Sunday, September 30, 2012


I'm so angry that i want to throw things and hear them smash
today just made that worse

...and here is Brown eyes
over 38 hours later, 16" by 20" caaaanvas
Artist statement: Here I have developed in my approach to dreamscapes.
‘Brown eyes’ is a piece of soul; a moment of calm with no storm to follow. Created with unique detail from the smallest eyelash to the smooth warped trunks of the trees, the almost floating images reflect the strange level of detail with which the passerby observes life. 

and zooom
 It's a huge picture, i know.. but this way you can see it all properly! x


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Thinking like an artist and not a cat.
^ He has some fair points that are ringing bells far to close to home, even not being an artist for a living.
Problems with being an artist, time - My most recent painting took me 38+ hours all up over more than a month from my free time around study as a first year health science student. If you think about that - that's really a long time crouched over a desk squinting at the tip of a paint brush or mixing colours over and over again to get exactly the right shade of skin for the cheeks. Really the way to work that is to find a balance, something i have been trying hard at lately. I have been going to the gym three times a week, trying to sleep before midnight (fail) and studying a bit, then there's the art show that my piece will be in on the 17th. :)

There's always the feeling of self doubt, i have people congratulate me on my art and that feels amazing, gives me a little feeling of 'zing' each time - that feeling is the one i ache to feel during those hours of work each night. I'm not always sure of peoples' sincerity though, i always feel guilty showing someone something in person now (should i need to?) because it's almost like i'm forcing a "awwww nice one!!!" response out of them. Why do i show people my work at all? It's like the way a cat will catch bring you a bird, dead or alive, because they want to show you what they did and have you be proud of them. I'm always particularly proud when it's an idea that was all my own and not just me drawing a pretty photograph i found on the internet; for me an idea can take weeks or it can be a split second starter and then develop as i go. Usually i just need to be in the right head space for it: spaced out.

Another problem I've just begun to feel now is the selling part - I am not a seller, i can't force people to do things. There's a bit of a step between - 'oh that's pretty', and 'i'd love to keep that and put it on my wall to see every day'. I also have no idea where to start, and Yuri put the rest of it quite well "It feels mildly like prostitution." I finally decided on Friday that i would try to sell the painting for $150, though i still feel a bit weird about it - attached even.

Despite all this, i doubt i will ever fully give up on art, I've had it there since i was tiny - attempting numerous times to draw around my foot accurately whilst standing on the kitchen table, and drawing tiger families under my pillow at night onto my sheets with felt tips. Mum found me painting in my room on the carpet with no newspaper one day, i think i got red paint on the floor as she was out looking for the trouble maker and found me in the kitchen with my hands covered in red paint. She got to say "caught you red handed!"
However, as he said in his article: "It's better to try and fail than live your life doing something you regret. Live your life like it's the only life you've got - unless you're a cat or Christian or whatever".

Our Hayward hop was yesterday 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

wake up your mind

I am quite ready for the uni year to end... so i can go to Melbourne, the beach, picnics, see friends, escape from the hostel (as i'm not really the 24-7 social type) and the food at home is so much more wonderful (at least i can appreciate that now). There will be sunshine, tanned legs, Gelato, painting and maybe even a job.
Today at Nathan's we planned a tiny picnic to catch up with some more friends, we are making chicken and then spinach & feta filo parcels: exciting to cook again! Then i came home to bake berry brownies with mum.  Tomorrow should be good especially with Jordy and Andrew's flat warming to follow

Upcoming things i have are finding a flat, art exhibition, biochemistry and epidemiology tests, BETs, GLMs, applying for my next year course, course interviews, and then final exams. Oh dear...

I have been painting and it's finished:

This is 'Mother' done in fine ink and gouache
The main idea behind it is a feeling of comfort and a mix from both ones mother and mother nature...

Following a suggestion from a friend i think any next pieces i attempt will be based on an individual, with one main factor to look at and explore rather than a collective made of pieces.
Some interesting artists at the moment are
and then some stand alones:
Kitty Gallannaugh, a wonderful photographer 
Greta Tuckute
Style stalker

Friday, August 10, 2012

Brown eyes

Have been working on an art piece lately and it's almost finished, so far i have spent 33 hours and a half on it and it's called 'Brown Eyes'. My first attempt on mounted canvas for the exhibition
Chapman come in the other day and i think he quite liked it as now all the other RAs ask how its going and if i'm entering the Hayward art competition, so he must have told them.
While i'd like to keep the piece hidden away now until it's finished and pretty but i can still share my picture inspiration for it, and references i have been using.
Images are from Nirimmi, Kirsten Shaylee and unknown sources.
The feel of these images are how the painting will become, all painted in soft delicate oil paint
When Chapman came in he showed me a trick on my camera and made swirling shapes:

Also had Hat visit the other week, she is great fun to have around though was was rushing everywhere all day. We had a cute breakfast together that turned into brunch and when i ordered an affogato the waiter told me i was his idol for ordering ice-cream for lunch. Amazing food and far too much of it while we talked and then Hat was rushing off again for lunch and the chocolate factory.. saw her again in the evening as we had a cute sleepover with Kate that turned into us watching finding nemo with wine and gummy lollies, there were sharks and we put the sharks in our wine for fun. Hadn't seen that movie for such a long time that i jumped for the sharks and jellyfish like i first did. We were tipsy by then, especially Hat considering how much alcohol affects her now, so we took videos of ourselves dancing around, singing along to something on the webcam and were generally -too cute and embarrassing- It was good fun
(stolen from Hat)

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Sometimes i forget how close my sister was to dying as a child
She was born blue and everyone was terrified
Baby photos all show her crawling around wheezing with a constant tube down her nose
As a kid when she coughed or laughed she sounded like a duck
We spends months living in Auckland at the Ronald McDonald house where i caught so many super-bugs from being at the hospital that i had to go to hospital myself..
apparently i was feeding her leaves, i am a fantastic sister
For a long time she was in and out of hospitals as she had such a rare condition, she was in a ward with other small children with serious conditions. I think one of the little boys in her room died shortly after we were able to go home, but another child with the same problem (narrow airway) is still going strong.

She had problems breathing on and off for a few years; one day we were visiting a family friend who became her piano teacher, i liked her house a lot as the pathway down to the house was made of shells and she gave me a glass window mosaic to hang up so that all sorts of colours would light up through my window. We walked down to the beach and it was a very windy day, then my sister stopped breathing. She was in a baby carrier that you put on like a backpack, so it took dad a moment to work out what was going on. She turned purple and we ran so, so fast home to call an ambulance/ the fire brigade. The problem was the nearest hospital was extremely far away, so the fire brigade got there first and was faced with an oxygen starved baby. They lay her down and took an oxygen canister and inserted it down her neck.. I have no idea how it worked as i probably wasn't very aware of what was going on. Maybe half an hour later the ambulance turned up and took her to hospital, a bit slow really.
She still has problems with sports and running, and had problems breathing on windy days (hard to avoid in wellington), but i would be walking home with her and she would put her hands over her mouth gasping as if she couldn't get any oxygen in as the wind was ripping it all away.

She was in the newspaper this year:, they got a lot of things wrong really.. but that's journalism
I'll bet anything she never said that scouting has given her the confidence to embrace life... seriously?
I remember the speech therapy but i don't think it was related so much to the condition, just her reluctance to talk.. or so i thought?

at least you have a doctors note to get out of cross country now!
proud of you xx

Monday, July 30, 2012

The ball

We just had our ball and it was pretty, it's theme was 'the secret garden'. Although it was missing a boy in a wheelchair like the book. There were fairy lights, strings of ivy and candles strung up around the beautiful old hotel room it was hosted in that had chandeliers and wooden floors to dance on. Myself and Kate took our time getting ready as it could be our last ball ever, and it turned out Chloe is a bit of a professional hair stylist in her spare time and curled my hair very skillfully.. though i then pinned it all over to one side of my head because 'why not'. Apparently it resembled Florence Welch from Florence and the machine's style when i added dark lips, a resemblance i'm quite happy with though i am not a red head <3 I do enjoy her music
We had quite some fun dancing all night and then out into town with the girls afterward, everywhere was fullest I'd ever seen it in town. We went to fever to dance on the lit up floor, someone grabbed me on the way out of there and attempted to perform a strange handshake with me involving spinning me around, knuckles and a slide-away handshake. Then we went to urban followed by metro where we danced to old music before the hungry ones took us through McDonald on the way home
Our RAs :)
Live band, they were pretty good
'bubbles' upon arrival
King and queen

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I want to go to Italy
Everything i hear about it just increases that feeling
Language block, yes. But everyone there is so lovely and there will probably be a few scattered people who know English. The people are so friendly and loud, embracing others on the street and not at all the way we know it where eye-contact is awkward and everyone is so very judgmental.
New Zealand is apparently friendly seeming too? Italians leave us behind in the dust, their way of life is everything i would like mine to be. I love their food as well.

But the best part is this,
One of my favourite photographers, and a generally lovely person went there on a trip and took photos ... I want to jump on a plane there right now. I'm going to mention it around my family as often as possible even though my sister has already, for no good reason at all, decided she doesn't want to go there.

She sums it up for me better than i ever could:
"And no matter how many countless times I have visited Italy, their way of life always astounds me. It leaves me yearning for more, and that's what makes trips so special. When you leave feeling sad because you'll miss everything about it, and you know it's only a matter of time before you're back to explore again. The wetted appetite for more adventures, and that heroic stir in the stomach for journeying to a new place and loving it so deeply is what keeps some motivated. I feel it's possessed me too." - Kitty Gallannough

I miss Caitlin
I want to travel like Anna just did
and see Viv over summer <3
and so many many more people...

Friday, July 6, 2012

Holiday - Queenstown

Found the tumblr i created a little while ago entitled Summer's coming..
clearly i was missing the heat. I certainly am now, i like summer and autumn best of the seasons.
In spring it rains all the time so we are huddled indoor by the fireplace, listening to it pat against the roof. Or pulling our faces deep inside a raincoat, believing it is still Winter and missing the small blooms on cherry blossom trees, for me cherry blossoms are the only tree around me that tells me what the season is.
In Autumn it turns all the colours of gold, crimson, and crispy brown, not many other trees in New Zealand do that... they're all evergreens.
It is winter now, my fingers are stiff and my knuckles are icy if i press them to my face, which makes typing uncomfortable. I've been told arthritis runs in the family, genetically i can see it's true:
ALL my grandparents have the condition and my dad is beginning to feel it. This is not what i want to hear as an 18 year old when everything i love to do uses my hands..
Already i have had a day where i used my hands for writing too much and by the end could not even hold my pen, i just thought i needed to change my study technique.

It is holidays for two weeks now, less than any other university.
I'm at the end of my second week.
We went to Queenstown for the first week and it was beautiful but i think we all need time apart after so many months of seeing each other almost every single day.. it's only natural. I haven't seen either Max or Kate much this week, though i would love to meet his puppy. I've just been relaxing.. and it is very nice.

Here are a few pictures from the week from Kate's camera and mine: