Sunday, September 9, 2012

Thinking like an artist and not a cat.
^ He has some fair points that are ringing bells far to close to home, even not being an artist for a living.
Problems with being an artist, time - My most recent painting took me 38+ hours all up over more than a month from my free time around study as a first year health science student. If you think about that - that's really a long time crouched over a desk squinting at the tip of a paint brush or mixing colours over and over again to get exactly the right shade of skin for the cheeks. Really the way to work that is to find a balance, something i have been trying hard at lately. I have been going to the gym three times a week, trying to sleep before midnight (fail) and studying a bit, then there's the art show that my piece will be in on the 17th. :)

There's always the feeling of self doubt, i have people congratulate me on my art and that feels amazing, gives me a little feeling of 'zing' each time - that feeling is the one i ache to feel during those hours of work each night. I'm not always sure of peoples' sincerity though, i always feel guilty showing someone something in person now (should i need to?) because it's almost like i'm forcing a "awwww nice one!!!" response out of them. Why do i show people my work at all? It's like the way a cat will catch bring you a bird, dead or alive, because they want to show you what they did and have you be proud of them. I'm always particularly proud when it's an idea that was all my own and not just me drawing a pretty photograph i found on the internet; for me an idea can take weeks or it can be a split second starter and then develop as i go. Usually i just need to be in the right head space for it: spaced out.

Another problem I've just begun to feel now is the selling part - I am not a seller, i can't force people to do things. There's a bit of a step between - 'oh that's pretty', and 'i'd love to keep that and put it on my wall to see every day'. I also have no idea where to start, and Yuri put the rest of it quite well "It feels mildly like prostitution." I finally decided on Friday that i would try to sell the painting for $150, though i still feel a bit weird about it - attached even.

Despite all this, i doubt i will ever fully give up on art, I've had it there since i was tiny - attempting numerous times to draw around my foot accurately whilst standing on the kitchen table, and drawing tiger families under my pillow at night onto my sheets with felt tips. Mum found me painting in my room on the carpet with no newspaper one day, i think i got red paint on the floor as she was out looking for the trouble maker and found me in the kitchen with my hands covered in red paint. She got to say "caught you red handed!"
However, as he said in his article: "It's better to try and fail than live your life doing something you regret. Live your life like it's the only life you've got - unless you're a cat or Christian or whatever".

Our Hayward hop was yesterday 

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